


Lost and Found

by AutumnRose137



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, F/M, Feelings, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, Redeemed Ben Solo, Rey Needs A Hug, Slow Burn, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:01:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22542946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutumnRose137/pseuds/AutumnRose137
Summary: Ben saves Rey after defeating Emperor Palpatine, but at a cost. Now she's alone again, after finally finding the belonging she had been searching for. With help from Leia’s final words to her and a fateful trip back to Kef Bir, she discovers that maybe hope is not lost, after all. The Dyad bond is too strong to be completely severed, and she is determined to get Ben back.A re-write/extension of the ending of The Rise Of Skywalker where Rey and Ben finally find what they have been searching for and get to keep it.***Tags will be updated as the story progresses.***Rating has been changed from Mature to Explicit, because, well, I can't resist the smut.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 8
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my first ever fanfic! Constructive criticism is welcome, but please be gentle!  
> *Warning - this first chapter may hurt. I'm sorry.

Darkness. That was all Ben could see around him. He was surrounded by thick fog - no light, no sound. Just emptiness. Where was he? What had he been doing? He felt like he was supposed to be doing something… helping someone maybe?

_ Rey… _

_ Rey! _

Ben woke with a start, and his whole body rebelled against the movement. He could feel that one of his legs was broken, as were a couple of his ribs. He lay on the cold ground of the pit that Palpatine had flung him into, trying to gather his thoughts and his strength. He could hear commotion above, but couldn’t tell exactly what was happening. All he knew was that this wasn’t over. He needed to get to Rey. As strong as she was, even she needed help against the Emperor, especially now that he was regenerating.

He slowly rolled over and began to push himself up onto the leg that was not broken. Thankfully his arms were sore but intact. He looked up at the walls of the pit and found a spot that had enough jagged edges and outcroppings to be able to climb. Taking a deep breath and steadying himself, he began his ascent.

It was a rough climb. The pain was excruciating, but nothing compared to the jolt in the Force he felt as he was about halfway up the wall. It felt as though his soul had been ripped in two. It took a moment to realize what was happening, and it nearly sent him tumbling back down into the pit. 

_ Rey, please, hold on! I’m coming for you! _

Adrenaline coursing through his veins, he focused as much energy as he could and forced his way up the remaining rock. Pulling himself up and over, he looked around the crumbling amphitheater of the Sith Citadel. Palpatine was nowhere to be seen, everything had gone still. His heart stopped when his eyes landed on Rey’s body lying still on the floor. Taking a ragged breath, he painfully limped his way to her. When he was near enough his leg gave out from under him, but he was able to crawl towards her. 

“No, no no no no….”

He reached out, gently caressing her hand as he tried to shake her awake. She was motionless and limp. With one hand he grabbed her arm, the other going around her back to support her neck. He pulled her up and swung his legs around so that she was lying across his lap. Her head lolled back, eyes open but unmoving, blank, devoid of the warmth and light that he so admired.

“Rey? Can you hear me? Hold on.”

Cradling her neck, Ben looked around desperately, searching in vain for someone, anyone, who could help. His heart was racing, his breathing heavy and labored as he fought back tears. In all his years spent in a world of loneliness and fear, he’d never felt anything quite like this. He’d never felt so hopeless. Reluctantly he looked back down at Rey’s limp body. He pulled her to him, holding on tightly as if he could squeeze the life back into her. He had only just let his true heart come to light, and now it was breaking into a thousand pieces.

_ This can’t be happening. Please, don’t take her away from me. There has to be something I can do. Please, someone help. _

Mind in chaos, Ben almost didn’t notice the soft voice that answered his silent call through the Force. Slowly, though, it came through loud and clear. Not just one voice - three of them, offering encouragement that he never thought he would receive or deserve.

“Ben, my son. Your father and I are so proud of you. Don’t forget that you are a Solo, you can do anything you put your mind to.”

“Look within yourself, Ben. The knowledge is there to save her, but it will come at a price. The choice is yours to make. I know you’ll make the right one. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you would before.”

“You can do this, Ben. Do for her what I couldn’t do for your grandmother.”

As the voices of his family rang through his head, his mind cleared and the realization hit. He knew what he had to do, but he wasn’t sure he had the strength to do it.

For her, though… for her he could do anything. No matter the cost. 

He lowered Rey back down into his lap, still cradling her neck with one hand. His other hand he placed on her abdomen. Straightening his back and closing his eyes, Ben took a deep breath and concentrated. He visualized the Force, saw the life energy that was still left in him. He allowed the energy to flow from his body, through his hand and into her. In his mind, he could see the spark of life ignite within her, and willed the Force towards it, fanning it until it became brighter and stronger.

It was then he felt a gentle touch on his hand and it sent a shockwave through his body. He looked back down to see the color coming back to Rey’s cheeks, her eyes alive and glowing again. She looked at him drowsily, as if waking from sleep. Relief flooded Ben’s chest and made it feel as if it were about to burst. He couldn’t find the words to say, just watched her while trying not to let the tears flood his vision. He had to make sure he could see her as clearly as possible while he still could.

As Rey’s brain focused and began processing what was happening, she was shocked to see the man before her. She sat up quickly in confusion and out of pure instinct, but as she saw his face more clearly, she wasn’t afraid. He was looking at her with such relief in his eyes, and something else. Fear, resignation, sadness… but relief above all else. He was glad that she was alive. Memories of the last few hours began coming back, She remembered that he had come to help her as she faced Palpatine and that in those moments as they were fighting, he had felt different, even compared to the last time they had fought together back in Snoke’s throne room. She remembered him being flung into the pit, the Jedi aiding her to defeat Palpatine, and then… nothing. Just a vast emptiness until a light had guided her back. His light. This was not Kylo Ren before her, with his hand still gently touching her back, making sure she was steady. This was the man she had been fighting to save for so long, and he had ended up saving her. 

“Ben,'' she breathed, as a smile stretched across her face.

Ben looked back at her and his lips curved up slightly as her hands came up to gently touch his face. This was all he had ever wanted - to be with her. He wanted so badly to kiss her then, but he knew he didn’t deserve that pleasure. She could never love him, but at least he was able to see her smile when she said his name, to let her finally see his true self. At least he was able to get that before it was all over. He could feel himself starting to slip away already, and he wished more than anything that he could stay just a little longer like this.

It was then that Rey did something that Ben never thought possible. As she looked at him, she was overcome with joy. In this moment, her heart finally felt whole and full. Now that she had a moment to really pay attention to it, she noticed that his Force signature was no longer forceful or aggressive like before. Now he was gentle and warm. His energy felt like a blanket wrapped around her. She looked in Ben’s eyes and knew that this is where she really belonged - with him. Her eyes drifted to his full lips, and she couldn’t hold back anymore. She rushed forward and pressed her lips to his, kissing him like she’d secretly wanted to ever since she first saw his face. Ben’s arms went around her, pressing her tight to him. The Force around them shimmered and rippled, and it felt so right. Blissful.

After a moment they both came away, minds in a haze of happiness and fulfillment. Ben looked back at Rey in disbelief, but her smile was wide and he felt her love radiating through their bond. She did love him, after all. It was more than he could have ever dreamed of, more than he felt he deserved. He let out a small laugh and a wide grin spread across his face. He couldn’t remember the last time he had genuinely fully smiled. Leave it to her to bring it out of him.

He was fading fast, though. He felt himself falling back, Rey’s hand catching his head while her other grasped his. He had thought he would be sad right now, but it was quite the opposite. Happiness had filled his heart to the brim and he couldn’t think of a better way to go. His body faded away while his heart sang.

Rey on the other hand, felt as if her chest were being ripped open. She looked on as he began fading. She hadn’t realized how little life energy he’d probably had left, hadn’t realized how much it would have taken to bring her back. She felt utterly hopeless and broken as he disappeared, tears spilling down her cheeks and landing on the soft fabric of the sweater that no longer held a body. 

She gathered up the cloth and held it to her chest, sobbing. 

_ No, no no no! Please, don’t leave me alone again. I need you. _

She considered lying down on the floor and never getting back up. She was overwhelmed with loneliness, worse than anything she had ever felt back on Jakku. It was like a part of her had vanished with him, leaving her empty. She had finally found the belonging she needed, only to have it taken away again. 

As she sat in her grief, there was a gentle nudge in her mind. She could feel Leia, very faintly, almost like a ghost.

“Remember, Rey, no one’s ever really gone. You are strong. I know you’ll find him again.”

With that, Leia’s signature dissolved into the Force. A new flood of tears welled up in Rey’s eyes, but she was oddly comforted. Leia was now truly gone, but it felt as though she were at peace. She wondered for a moment why she hadn’t felt Ben’s signature dissolve yet, though his body was gone. She was so exhausted, though, that she couldn’t focus on the mechanics of death and the Force. She instead laid down on the cold stone and held Ben’s sweater to her face, closing her eyes and breathing in the scent. 

After a while, the tears finally stopped. Rey took a few deep breaths and tried to think more clearly. She knew she couldn’t just give up. As hard as it would be, there was still work to be done, and she didn’t want his sacrifice to be in vain. He brought her back to live and to continue the fight for balance in the galaxy. She couldn’t let him down.

She stood slowly, still clutching his sweater, and made her way back through the cavernous arena. Outside, lightning strikes flashed all around the surface of the rocky planet. Rey looked up to see the huge debris field that had once been the Final Order fleet. All had gone quiet, save for the crackling of electricity around her. She climbed into the X-Wing, settling into the cockpit and setting the course for Ajon Kloss. 

As Rey was speeding through hyperspace, Leia’s words repeated in her mind. What did she mean? How could she “find” Ben if he was… she couldn’t bring herself to think the word. But then again… was he really gone? Somewhere deep down, she still felt a whisper of his energy. That familiar string that bound them together didn’t feel like it was severed, just weak. She began to feel a little pinprick of hope. Maybe, just maybe, there was something that could be done to bring him back. If so, she would do everything in her power to find it. If Ben was still out there somewhere, she would find a way to be with him again, no matter what.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey, Finn, and Poe reunite, but Finn feels like something is off with Rey. After talking with Jannah, Rey and Finn will be going back with her to Kef Bir. For Finn, it's for business. For Rey, she's not quite sure...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again so much to anyone reading this! I know it's a bit slow right now. SO MANY FEELINGS. I felt like TROS was severely lacking in showing how the characters were feeling, what they were thinking, etc so I'm trying my best to convey a lot of that. Also, Rey needs to GRIEVE, damn it!  
> BUT, we're past the section where I'm simply rewriting the ending scenes, so things will be picking up now and there will be a bit more action in the coming chapters, so hold on tight!

It was a long trip back to the base. Rey could still feel the phantom warmth of Ben’s lips on hers, his arms around her. She had never felt safer, happier, more at home than in that moment. The sight of him fading away from her was replaying in her mind again and fresh tears streaked down her face. 

_ It’s not fair. Almost everyone that I’ve come to consider family is gone. Again.  _

Leia said that she would find him again, but what does that mean? His Force ghost? That would be at least a little comfort, but if Rey was completely honest with her feelings, it wouldn’t be enough. Ever since that night on Ahch-to where they were first able to touch hands through their Force connection, she had longed for more. Growing up she had been starved for physical affection, and while hugs from her newly found friends were great, there was something deeper with Ben that she craved. While he was still overcome with the dark side she had denied those feelings, but now that he was back to light… now that he was Ben again, she wanted nothing more than to feel his skin against hers. If he had moved on to be a Force ghost, that would never happen. She’d be able to see him and speak to him, but never touch him, and that hurt almost as much as the thought of not seeing him at all.

_ No future with him, either…. _

That one hurt the worst. Before she could completely lose herself in grief again, though, the console on the X-Wing began beeping at her, bringing her back into the moment. Flicking a few switches, the ship dropped out of hyperspace and Ajan Kloss was now in view. She took a few deep breaths and wiped her face, trying to compose herself. What little remained of her found family was waiting down there. Finn, Poe, Rose. While she loved them dearly, though, she still found it difficult to be open with them and she didn’t really like the thought of them seeing her this state. They still didn’t know about the connection between her and Ben, or her feelings for him, so they wouldn’t even understand. The only one who knew all of that was Leia. Rey knew eventually she was going to have to tell them, but that would be for another time. Right now everyone would be celebrating the victory over the Final Order. Celebrating might feel hollow to her at the moment, but it wouldn’t be fair to bring everyone else down. Besides, maybe the festivities would offer some welcome distraction.

She found a clear spot to land amongst the other ships and set down the X-Wing smoothly. Taking a breath, she popped open the hatch and was greeted with the sound of cheers and celebratory whooping. Everyone was either crying, laughing, or both, hugging and kissing and jumping with joy. She hadn’t seen this kind of exuberance since the festival on Pasaana. Climbing down out of the ship, she began looking around the crowd for her friends. A string of excited chirps and beeps approached and she looked down to see BB-8 rolling towards her. She knelt down to greet the droid, straightening its antenna.

“BB-8! It’s good to see you, too. Where are the others?”

The little droid turned and began rolling off and Rey stood to follow. As she looked up she saw Finn and Poe looking through the crowd. When their eyes landed on her, Finn broke out in a wide relieved grin and Poe smirked as if to say “I can’t believe you kriffing did it!” Rey’s heart swelled with relief and she couldn’t help but smile. She may not have much left, but at least she had her friends and they managed to make it back safely. The three ran to meet in a tight group hug. Rey’s emotions came bubbling to the surface and she couldn’t hold back as much as she would have liked. She gave in and let them flow at least a bit. 

As the trio embraced Finn couldn’t stop his own tears. He had felt Rey die back at Exegol. He wasn’t entirely sure how, but he had felt that familiar energy he knew to be her snuffed out. It was awful, to feel his best friend die without being able to do anything about it. Jannah had to practically drag him back to the ship to get to safety as the Final Order ships had begun to fall. While they were traveling back to the base, he thought he had felt Rey’s energy come back somehow, but he didn’t want to let his hopes get too high. Seeing her in the flesh, though, he was overcome with joy. He didn’t know how she’d made it, but right now he didn’t care. As they hugged, though, he found himself feeling other emotions that didn’t seem to be his own. There were relief and happiness. He knew that was his, and thought that he was catching that from Poe and Rey, as well. Beneath that, though, there was a current of intense grief, like everything he loved was being ripped from him. But he had everything right here - his best friends were both here with him, Rose was off in the crowd celebrating like everyone else. Where was this coming from? Was this something Rey was feeling? What had happened on Exegol that could cause this kind of sadness? And why was he able to feel things like this? Was he feeling through the Force? He wasn’t sure, but knew now was not the time to ask. For now, he tried to mentally block those other feelings and just enjoy the fact that the ones he cared about most were safe.

“Man, that was amazing! We really did it,” Poe said, breaking their embrace. “Rey, I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done. I know I give you a hard time, but you’re fantastic. Palpatine is really dead now, though, right? I’d hate to have to bother you in another 30 years to do all that again.”

Rey grinned and let out a small huff while wiping her face. “As far as I can tell, yes. He’s gone, as are all of the Sith cultists who were there. I’m not sure if there are more elsewhere, but with Palpatine gone, I doubt they’ll be making themselves known anytime soon.”

“Well, we’ll deal with them and any remnants of the First Order when the time comes. They’ll be licking their wounds for a while. Right now, I say we enjoy ourselves,” Poe’s words trailed off as he looked into the crowd behind Rey. Looking back, Rey saw Zorii throwing a meaningful glance toward Poe. Well, as meaningful of a glance as you can get with a mask on.

“I’ll see you guys later. Try not to have too much fun.” With that, Poe was off. Rey and Finn looked back at each other and burst out laughing.

“Well I guess we won’t be seeing him for a while,” Finn said through a chuckle.

“I guess not. Speaking of...” Rey raised her eyebrow at Finn suggestively. “I’m surprised you and Rose haven’t disappeared somewhere private.”

“I had to make sure you made it back, first.” Finn’s tone was more serious than Rey had expected. She playfully jabbed him in the shoulder.

“Of course I made it back. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

Finn put his hands on Rey’s shoulders, looking at her firmly in the eyes. “Rey, this is Palpatine we’re talking about. I was really worried, and… I felt something terrifying while we were fighting. It’s like, there’s all this energy around, and there are some bits of it that I can tell belong to people. I can feel you, and Poe, and Rose. And Rey, back on Exegol, you disappeared. I thought you had died. That’s what it felt like. What happened back there?”

Rey stood in stunned silence for a moment, staring blankly at her friend who was watching her with so much concern. She wasn’t ready for this conversation, but he deserved some kind of explanation. And if what he’s saying is true, then that could only mean…

“Finn, do you know what that means? That’s the Force you’re feeling. You’re Force sensitive!”

“Like you? So I’m a Jedi, too?”

“I’m not a Jedi. But you might be able to learn how to use the Force like I do, yes. Some people are only able to feel it, but not manipulate it. We’ll have to try and get you some training, and find out.” She wasn’t exactly intentionally distracting from his question, but she hoped it would divert the conversation anyway.

“That would be great. But if that’s true, then is that what I felt? Did you actually die?”

No such luck.

Rey drew in a deep breath. “Yes. I did. But I was brought back. I’m fine now, everything is fine,” she said, her voice shaking as the lump in her throat began to grow painful.

Finn knew there was more to the story, but he could feel that wave of grief emanating from her again. He wanted to know what happened to cause her so much pain, but tears had begun welling up in her eyes again, and he figured it was best to leave it alone for now. He pulled her into a tight hug, resting his cheek on the top of her head.

“It’s ok. You’re here now, with us, and we’re all here for you. Me, Rose, Poe, we all care about you. You’re safe.”

“Thanks,” Rey sniffed. 

After a moment she pulled away and composed herself just in time to see Rose and Jannah coming toward them. Rose immediately wrapped her arms around Rey, squeezing tight.

“Rey I’m so glad you’re ok! We were all so worried about you!”

“I wasn’t,” Jannah jabbed. “I saw you fighting back on Kef Bir. I knew you’d be fine.”

Rey squeezed Rose back and then released herself to face Jannah.

“About that, I need to apologize for how I acted. I wasn’t... myself. Is there anything I can do to make up for it?”

“It’s ok, no hard feelings. If you really want to, though, you can come help fix that skiff you nicked. That storm beat it up pretty bad. We’ll be going back tomorrow.”

Rey thought for a moment. She wasn’t sure going back to where she had nearly killed Ben was a good idea. She hated to think about that fight, how filled with anger she had been. She felt a strange pull, though, to say yes. It felt like a string was tugging at her toward that turbulent ocean. Like she needed to be there for something.

“Yeah, it’s the least I can do. I’d be glad to help.”

Finn chimed in excitedly. “Actually, can I come, too? I wanted to talk to everyone else in your troop. Do you think they’d want to come and join us here in the Resistance? We’re gonna need soldiers to help keep the militia running while the new government is organizing. I was hoping you would stay, as well, maybe work with me to find other troopers that want out.”

“Sure, you’re welcome to try. There’s a few that might be willing now that things will be settling down a bit. As for me… I’ll think about it.”

“That’s great! We can load up on supplies and rest tonight, and then head out first thing in the morning.”

“Sounds good to me,” Rey said. “Finn, you can come with me in the Falcon. We should find Chewie and ask him to come, too, so I can have a copilot.” She shot him a teasing smile at that, and he laughed.

“I think I saw him heading to the mess hall. We should all go grab some food, actually. Maybe after we can take part in the festivities for a while,” Finn suggested as he put his arm around Rose.

“I might join you later. I think I’m going to go check on the Falcon, make sure she’s in good enough flying order.” Truthfully, Rey just wanted a little break. She was glad to be with her friends but was starting to get a little overwhelmed. She needed some time to gather herself.

“Ok, well let us know if you need anything. We’ll be around,” Finn said, reaching for Rey’s hand and giving it a squeeze.

“Thanks.” She offered a small smile and then waved as she turned to head toward the Falcon. 

Once she was inside and the loading ramp had shut, she breathed a sigh of relief. While she was definitely feeling better than she had just an hour or so ago, she still felt exhausted in every sense of the word. Partying was the furthest thing from her mind right now. In fact, she decided a shower and a nap would be much more preferable.

She took her time in the shower, letting the warm water relax her tired muscles and scrubbing away the grime that had built up on her skin. She kept her mind in the present moment, paying attention to the smell of the soap, the sound of the water hitting the floor. Anything except Ben and Exegol.

After showering, she found an undershirt and some old leggings and put those on before laying down on one of the bunks in the crew quarters. Before her brain even had time to think of anything, she was asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... it's been a while. Sorry it's been so long without an update. I had major writer's block with the beginning of this chapter, on top of mental health issues and well... the rest of 2020 so far. These last few months have been rough but I'm trying to get back into it and I'll do my best to update this ASAP!

Somewhere outside of time and space, Ben Solo’s eyes fluttered open. He felt dazed but oddly rested. He hadn’t slept that well in years. As his senses came back to him out of the haze, he realized he was not in his bed on the Finalizer. The memories came rushing back — Exegol, Palpatine, Rey. Where was Rey?

He remembered her cold, lifeless body on the floor of the Citadel. Remembered pouring everything he had left into her. That smile when she realized he was himself again, and the kiss they shared. _Stars_ , that kiss. He remembered how the heat had coursed through his veins, every nerve ending sparking. He’d never felt so alive — ironic considering….

_Oh._

The realization hit like a blaster bolt. He had died. At the time he’d known it was coming, but he hadn’t exactly expected to wake up after. How did he end up here? Where even is “here?”

Ben sat up to take in his surroundings. He was on the floor of what looked like a massive room. There didn’t seem to be an end, there were no walls that he could see. Was this even a floor? It felt solid, but taking a closer look it seemed that he could faintly make out distant stars and nebulae beneath him. He couldn’t tell which ones, or even if it was the same galaxy he knew. Looking up was exactly the same, more tiny points of light and clusters of faintly colored gas and stars. All around the area were dark openings surrounded by dark mist. They were everywhere, not in neat rows but scattered throughout the space. Something about this seemed vaguely familiar as if he’d seen this in a dream before, but he couldn’t place it. 

_What the hell is this place?_

He stood and took a few tentative steps. Viewing the openings - portals? - a little closer, some were covered by a clear glassy film that looked almost like water. Others were frosted and looked like a more solid barrier. He went to one that was clear and as he peered in his mouth gaped at the scene before him.

He was seeing himself — or rather, he was seeing himself as Kylo Ren — a year ago in his TIE fighter heading towards the Raddus. He remembered the conflict, the pain he had felt even though he still tried desperately to hide it behind the facade of Kylo Ren. He saw himself putting his thumb on the trigger, ready to strike, but his resolve wavered as he sensed her presence. Even then, amidst all his anger and despair, what he really wanted was to run to her and be comforted; to tell her how sorry he was and to have her hold him and tell him it would all be okay. Even knowing it wasn’t possible, he still couldn’t bring himself to do it. 

Ben knew what would happen next and stepped away from the door, turning away so he wouldn’t have to see it. His eyes stung and he realized he’d been crying, hot tears streaming down his face. He wiped them away with his sleeve. He noticed that he was still in the sweater he had worn on Exegol, hole included, but it was now clean. His hands were, as well. All of the dirt and grime had been left behind it seems.

A sound from somewhere behind startled him and he turned quickly only to see Rey scrambling backward out of one of the portals, looking terrified. She looked different from how he last saw her. Younger, he realized, like when they first met. Even her clothes appeared to be the same, but how could that be? And how is she here?

“Rey!”

He ran towards her, but she had stumbled back into another portal. Looking in, it was another one of his memories. A painful one, at that. He could see the Jedi temple burning in the distance, and the Knights of Ren wreaking havoc. She stood watching, bewildered. Ben tried calling out to her, but he couldn’t tell if she could hear him or not before she started to run and came tumbling out the other side and immediately into another one.

Peering into this one, it looked like the woods at Starkiller base. Ben could see her taking a few steps, and he desperately wanted to get to her, to keep her safe. He tried pushing one of his hands through the watery surface, but it only gave slightly though he was using all his strength. He called out to her again.

“Rey, stay here! I’ll come back for you!”

This time she definitely heard him. She whirled around, trying to figure out where his voice had come from.

“Where are you?”

Ben tried again to push through, but to no avail. He watched her as she started to run. This was definitely not the current Rey that he had grown to love. As much as he wanted to get to her, she probably wouldn’t trust him. She wouldn’t even know who he is yet. However she ended up here tumbling through his memories, it must be something that had already happened in her timeline and he cannot change it. He needed to get back to her but would have to find another way. Still, his heart ached to see her so afraid. He leaned against the portal.

“I’ll come back, sweetheart. I promise.”

“I’m here! Right here! Where are you?” she shouted. He wished he could tell her, but he simply watched as the dark figure of his past came into view before her. She screamed, and his chest felt as if it might break in two. She stumbled back, falling out of the other side of the portal and ran through one which had frosted glass. He went over to it, but could not see anything on the other side. Placing his hand on it, it was solid. Everything was quiet and still again.

Ben heaved a heavy sigh and sank to the floor. This was so much to take in. He tried to piece together all of the information he had to make sense out of it. He knew he was not anywhere that people should be able to easily access. He thought back to some of the more existential teachings from his days at the Jedi academy and remembered something about a place beyond places, somewhere outside of space and time. It was often described as having many doors. What was it called again? The World Between Worlds? Maybe that’s what this place is. He’d thought it to be fairy tales, but it was the only thing that seemed to make sense. If that’s the case, how and why was Rey here? Granted it didn’t seem to be of her own volition and she didn’t seem to know she was here. Maybe it had been a dream? Or maybe it had something to do with her awakening in the Force.

Either way, it showed that she was able to go through those portals. If he remembered correctly, there were some places in the galaxy that served as gateways to this place. Perhaps it was possible for him to find one and go through it? He was sure it wouldn’t be as simple as that, considering he couldn’t even push through the barrier on these portals, but there had to be a way. Determined, he pushed back up to his feet and looked around the sea of glass and mist. 

Time to start looking for a way back. He told Rey he would come back, and he intends to keep that promise.

**************************

Kef Bir was more beautiful than Rey remembered. It’s highly likely that’s simply because she wasn’t paying much attention the last time she was here just a couple of cycles ago, but she is now. The sun is shining beautifully without the storm clouds, and the hills are a vibrant green. The ocean is calmer today than it had been before, but powerful waves still crashed at the shore. She had been hard at work for the past 2 hours next to Jannah and Chewie repairing the skip that she had taken to go out to the wreckage of the Death Star. It still loomed in the distance, but somehow was not as menacing as it had been before.

She was trying to focus on the work in front of her. It felt good to be working with her hands on something again. She was also grateful for Jannah and Chewie’s companionable silence. On the trip over, Finn had tried to talk to her about Exegol again, and while she wanted to tell him everything, the words had been lost in her throat. It was still too much to try to say. Rey had tried to joke around a bit after, but it was awkward now. She would need to tell him soon. Maybe tomorrow after another night’s sleep. She sighed and set down the part she had been working on.

“Hey, I’m going to take a break if you don’t mind.”

“Go right ahead. Just don’t go running off into danger again,” Jannah quipped.

Rey huffed out a small laugh and stood, turning toward the shore. Making her way down the hill, she stared out toward the horizon. The ocean was a lighter greyish blue now in the sun, seemingly endless as it merged with the blue sky. Between here and Ahch-to, Rey was beginning to really love the sea. It was so different from Jakku. It gave her a sense of peace amidst its power. Standing on the little patch of sandy beach, she thought maybe eventually she would try to end up somewhere like this, in whatever future she had. If only Ben could be there to share in that.

At that thought, a bright blue flash passed in front of her, breaking her out of her reverie. Looking to the left, it appeared to be a butterfly with brilliant blue wings. She’d seen a few of these insects, but it seemed a little far off from the wildflowers further up the hill. She watched as it fluttered down the shore, landing on something laying in the sand just at the edge of the waves. Curious, she followed to get a closer look.

As she knelt, the butterfly left its perch, flying off back in the direction of the hill that would lead it to where it likely came from. Rey, however, was finding it hard to breathe and tears stung at her eyes as she gaped at the black metal, the exposed wiring, the vents on either side forming a crossguard. She’d recognize this lightsaber anywhere. How the hell did it get here? And how is it that she just happens to come across it? The Force must be playing some cruel joke at this point.

Hesitantly, she reached forward, almost afraid to pick it up. As soon as her fingers touched the cold metal, her vision went black. All sound stopped except for a faint hum. She took a deep breath, trying to remain calm. There was a familiar thrumming of energy around her, like the Force was coming alive within and around her. It felt like all those times the bond had opened between her and Ben, but that couldn’t be….

“Ben?” she whispered.

“Rey? Is that you? I hear you.”

All of the air left Rey’s body as if she had been punched in the gut. It was Ben’s voice. He sounded distant, but it was strong and clear. How is she hearing him now? Why can’t she see him? Or anything, for that matter?

“Ben! Ben where are you? I can’t see anything, I can only hear your voice. I need to know where you are so I can find you.” Her voice was cracking, growing frantic.

“I’m sorry, Rey, I don’t know. I’ll figure it out, and I’ll come back for you, sweetheart. I -”

In an instant everything was too loud and too bright, the sea and sun all coming back into sharp focus. Rey sank into the sand, trying to catch her breath and clutching Ben’s lightsaber. How was the bond still intact? Did that mean Ben was actually alive somewhere? He had vanished back on Excel, where could he have ended up? Why couldn’t she see anything? Her mind was racing with questions, but now she knew at least one thing for certain.

Ben really was still out there somewhere and she was going to bring him back. She just needed to figure out how. The Jedi texts would probably be the best place to start. Maybe she could find a way to contact Luke through the Force and ask for help? She needed to think. And meditate. She needed to go.

Rey stood and started back up the hill, her initial instinct telling her to run to the Falcon and head straight to Ahch-to to see if there was anything left there to help her translate more of the texts, to see if she could commune with Luke, to have some peace to figure this out. She stopped herself, though, at the sound of Finn’s boisterous laughter up ahead. She couldn’t keep doing this to Finn, leaving him without warning and without knowing what’s going on. It wasn’t fair to him, and he had been such a good friend to her. She at least owed him an explanation. 

She decided she’d finish the task here and then go back to the base to drop off him and Chewie. Then she’d tell Finn and Poe everything; explain the connection the best she could, his heroism at Exegol, and that she’s going to try to bring him back. They’re co-generals of the Resistance, now, they’ll need to be on her side if she’s successful. Rey isn’t sure what will happen to him once Ben’s back, but if she can get Poe and Finn to understand that he wasn’t himself as Kylo Ren, then maybe they’d go easy on him. At the very least Finn needed to know why she’d be leaving and not staying with them. 

With another deep breath, Rey continued back up toward the group, tucking Ben’s saber into her belt. As she worked to help finish up, she found herself a little bit lighter than she had felt in quite a while.

********************************

It was about 24 standard hours later when they arrived back on Ajon Kloss. They had slept at the camp on Kef Bir, then left the next morning. Back at the base it was late afternoon, and everyone was milling about just like any other day. It seemed there was still a lot of work for them to do. Already Rey was starting to feel a bit detached. She liked everyone here and stood by what the Resistance’s mission was, but now with Palpatine and most of the First Order gone, she felt it wasn’t really where she needed to be anymore. Ben aside, something in her felt like there was other work she needed to do. Maybe while she was studying she would figure that out, too.

As Rey, Finn, and Chewie exited the Falcon, Rey caught Finn by the arm before he headed on his way.

“Hey, you said you’re on your way to check in with Poe, right?”

“Yeah,’ he replied. “I need to let him know about some of the recruits coming in from Jannah’s unit. Why, did you need something?”

Rey took a steadying breath and met his gaze. “Actually yes. I need to talk to you both. Preferably now.”

Finn gave her a concerned expression. “Is there something wrong? That sounds ominous.”

“There’s just… some things that have happened that I think you both need to know, and I need to discuss some plans.”

Finn’s frown deepened, but he simply motioned for her to follow him. They walked across the encampment toward a makeshift building that was being used as a control center and office. Upon entering, they found Poe with a couple of communications officers. When he saw them approach he flashed a wide grin.

“Hey, my man and my favorite Jedi! How did things go?”

“Everything was great,” Rey said. “But I have something I need to talk to you and Finn about. In private.” 

Poe looked wary, glancing between her and Finn who just shrugged. He led them to a small room towards the back of the building with a couple of chairs and a table. He shut the door behind them and turned to look at Rey.

“By any chance, does this have something to do with the former Supreme Leader?”

Rey’s brow furrowed in surprise and confusion. “Y-yes, how did you know?”

“Well we haven’t heard anything about him yet, no confirmation on whether he’s actually dead or not. Finn and Jannah said they saw you two fighting and thought you had killed him, but then saw his TIE take off, as well as an older model not long after. We weren’t sure where he went after that. Please tell me that filthy nerf herder is dust.”

Anger was spiking within Rey, but she tried to keep a calm expression. They didn’t know the whole story yet, she couldn’t really blame them for wanting him dead.

“From what I can tell, he is not necessarily part of the living world anymore.” 

She couldn’t bring herself to say that he was dead, even though she had watched him disappear. Wherever he was, he was alive, but it didn’t seem like it was necessarily part of the normal living world, either. 

Finn and Poe both whooped in celebration. Rey glared at them both, arms crossed over her chest.

“Come on, Rey, that’s great news!” Finn said, grabbing her by the shoulders. “Ren was an evil piece of bantha crap. Him dying is the best thing that could happen for the galaxy.”

At that Rey wrenched out of Finn’s grasp, her anger bubbling over. “First off, you don’t know the whole story or anything about him so I’d hold off on judging whether or not someone’s death can be labeled as a good thing until you hear what I have to say.” Her voice was rising, and she could see the surprise and confusion on both of their faces, but she didn’t care now. “Secondly, his name is Ben. Ben Solo. And he’s a hero.” 

Poe made a choked sound, his eyes going wide. “Wait, wait, wait. Ben SOLO? Are you telling me what I think you’re telling me?”

“Yes. He was Han and Leia’s son. And without him, I wouldn’t be here right now. Palpatine would have won and I’d be sitting on the Sith Throne.”

Finn and Poe both stood there, mouths gaping and brows furrowed. For a few moments, they just stood there like that. Once or twice Poe looked like he was about to say something, then shut his mouth. Eventually, he flopped down into one of the chairs. Finn sat heavily beside him, just staring at the floor.

“Ok,” Poe managed. “Tell us everything.”

So Rey did just that. She told them everything, from the interrogation that bridged their minds, to him killing Snoke rather than her as they had been led to believe, all the way up to the battle on Exegol where he’d stopped her from giving in to Palpatine and then brought her back from the dead. At that point Finn had tears in his eyes, realizing that his senses had been correct and she had actually been dead. 

She had tears of her own streaking down her cheeks as she recounted how different he had been, how right it felt to be with him. He had felt balanced, radiating light through the darkness like no one she’d ever encountered. She knew that Kylo Ren was dead and he was just Ben again. 

She told them how he had disappeared and she thought he was dead, but then showed them the lightsaber she found on Kef Bir. She described what happened when she touched it, and how she thinks he may still be out there somewhere if the bond is still intact. By the time she’d finished Poe and Finn were both leaning forward in their chairs, enraptured. 

Poe blew out a breath and sat back, raking a hand down his face while Finn stared down at his hands, lost in thought. They stayed quiet for a few moments, taking in everything they had just learned.

It was Finn who finally broke the silence. “So you’re a Palpatine, and you’re connected through the Force to the guy we’ve been fighting for over a year. And correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems like you have feelings for him. Why didn’t you ever tell us any of this?” He looks at her now, and Rey can tell he’s hurt. 

“I’m sorry, Finn. I really am. I just… didn’t think you’d understand. I didn’t even really understand it myself.”

“Well, what now?” Poe chimed in. “You said he disappeared, but you can still feel him or whatever. Does that mean he’s not dead after all?”

“I don’t think so, not really,” Rey said, biting her lip nervously. “Wherever he is, though, I need to find out. I need to go research and see if I can bring him back.”

“Bring him back?!” Finn stood now, looking completely aghast. “How could you possibly think bringing Ren back would be ok? Did you forget everything else he did? I still have a scar on my back, Rey. He almost killed me, almost killed you. He actually DID kill loads of people! Just because you have some stupid crush on him doesn’t mean you can -”

“Stupid crush?!” Rey practically screamed, her voice cracking and hot tears burning her eyes. “You have no idea what this feels like. It’s like half of me is still dead on the ground, Finn! Like half of me is missing. And no, I haven’t forgotten any of that.” She took a breath and calmed her voice before continuing. “But it wasn’t Ben. He was under the influence of Snoke and probably Palpatine his whole life. They controlled him and made him believe things that weren’t true, and it led him to do terrible things at their command. But Finn, he broke free of that control. He’s not Kylo Ren anymore, just like you’re not FN-2187 anymore. You should know better than any of us that people can change; that their true values can overcome years of conditioning and they can be good again. Please, trust me that he is not a threat anymore.”

Finn’s expression softened, considering her words. After a few moments, he nodded slightly. “Ok. I’m sorry, you’re right. I trust your judgment.” 

Poe nodded in thoughtfully from his chair. “So does this mean you’re leaving us?”

Rey gave an apologetic look and nodded. “Yeah, at least for a while. I need to research and try to commune with Luke. Aside from that, I think I need to figure out where I want to go from here, personally. As much as I care for you guys and stand behind the Resistance, I don’t think I’m cut out for politics or a permanent military position. I feel like there’s something else I need to do now that this war is pretty much over. I just don’t know what yet.” 

“I’d say I understand, but that wouldn’t be completely true. You know me, I don’t understand all this crap with the Force and whatnot. But I trust you, and I trust your judgment. Do whatever you need to do. You’ll always have our support as long as I’m around. Now, if you do happen to bring back Re-“ he paused a moment, catching himself - “Ben… I can’t promise he won’t have to face some consequences. He might have ended up helping to save everything but people aren’t gonna readily accept him as a changed person just because you say he is. You’ll need to be prepared for that. There’s only so much I can do in that regard.”

“I understand. We’ll figure it out when we get there. I appreciate you so much. Both of you.” She looked between the two of them now, her friends. Finn sighed and came in to enclose them both in a hug. Rey felt for the first time with certainty that she actually had a family. A group of people she could trust with absolutely anything, who would be there for her, and it brought her to tears yet again. She didn’t know when she turned into such an emotional mess, but she wasn’t exactly mad about it.

Now all she had to do was find the last piece of her family. Her other half. It was time for one last mission to get Ben Solo back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on [ Twitter ](https://twitter.com/SoloInDisguise) for random thoughts and a hell of a lot of Adam thirst!


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